Marriage can bring out the worst in people. Some spouses cheat, they lie about money, or they destroy each other's sense of self-worth. They put their children in the middle of their battles even before a divorce has been filed. Sometimes, they get violent. Everyday I see people who have made similar mistakes which have landed them in my office. Perhaps, it is seeing these types of common mistakes over and over again which have allowed my wife and I to remain married for over two decades (that and I knew a good deal when I saw one). Divorce stinks under the best of circumstances but hopefully by following some of these points of advice you can avoid landing in my office.
1. Do Not Believe the Hype; Love Does NOT Conquer All
Many people mistake lust for love and like the old Johnny Cash song says, they get "married in a fever." Sorry burst your romantic bubble, but marriages take a lot of work and love (especially lust) does not conquer all things. Some thing it will not conquer: (i) Disparate
views on managing money; (ii) Rigidly
held religious differences; (iii) Conflicting
long-term goals; (iv) Troubled
family histories; (v) Abusive
2. Never Be Too Busy to Spend Time Together
Finding opportunities to be alone together is
extremely important; especially for people with children. Children benefit most when their parents have a
healthy relationship. Many people who wind up in my office are in relationships where one or both parties simply stopped working on their relationships and stopped dating their spouse. Find time to have dinner
alone (without the kids), watch
TV and share a bowl of popcorn – sit on the couch together; put
down the smartphone and have a conversation. Never forget that you could lose your spouse. Even the President of the United States finds time for date night.
3. SEX - Keep Having It
We generally do not have to delve too deeply into people’s
personal lives during in divorce cases.
However, to be “separated” as that term is defined in the law means to
not be engaging in sex with the other spouse.
Many people who are getting divorced have not had sex with their spouse
in months or even years. When someone tells me that, I am pretty sure I can see at least part of the problem with the marriage relationship.
I heard a speaker one time make the statement
that women need an emotional connection to have sex; men need sex to feel an
emotional connection. When it is not happening in a marriage relationship, it is usually a sign of bigger problems. Moreover, the lack of sex in a marriage relationship could lead to infidelity which is the least forgiven sin in a marriage. Again, never forget that you could lose your spouse and there is someone out there who would gladly take him/her from you.
LATER THIS WEEK WE WILL POST PART TWO OF THIS ARTICLE. If you have not already, be sure to like us on Facebook so that you never miss an article.
Photo courtesy of Serendipity Diamonds
Labels: kentucky, love, marriage, paducah, sex